Sunday, April 29, 2007

Strong Enough For A Woman, But Made For A Man


Well, I am back. Thank you everyone for your kind words. I guess that if I write three blogs in a row and no one comments on them, I get a bit discouraged and begin to wonder if anyone is actually reading them. It is nice to know that people are reading, even if I am related to all of my readers. You can read my blog while you are waiting for your friends to respond to you on Facebook;) So here goes. Bear with me, because I'm a bit rusty...

I spent some time at Ivan's on the weekend and I forgot to bring my deodorant. So, I used Ivan's deodorant (maybe I should have asked him first, but I was sure that he wouldn't mind). Today I keep catching whiffs of it and I am constantly reminded of him. It's nice, actually. Now, I don't think that I will go out and buy this brand of deodorant for that sole purpose. But I do recommend that ladies occasionally wear their man's deodorant if they happen to be missing their fella. As long as you are not walking around smelling like a pine tree (Ivan's deodorant has a subtle, powdery scent) I don't see anything wrong with it. Perhaps the aluminum content may be higher in men's deodorant, or it may contain pheromones that make you more aggressive, but the occasional swipe along the pit is all that you need to bring the romance back.

I think that I will go make myself a candlelit dinner, now...

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The Horror Of Dora


I recently noticed that one of my coworkers has a picture on her desk of her daughter with a huge, foam Dora monster! Upon closer inspection I realized that it was an adult in a Dora costume, but that creature scared the hell out of me! Its ankles were as big as my waist! My coworker explained to me that she brought her daughter to a "Meet Dora" party. I asked her if any of the children at the party were frightened by "Dora" and she said that a few of them were. Now, what is the point in that? You bring your child to meet their favourite animated character and they end up having nightmares about it until they are fifteen? Why did they make Dora into a giant? Isn't she suppose to be a little girl?

All I know is, I will never look at Dora the same way again. I didn't ask my coworker if Dora's monkey named Boots was at the party. If he was, they probably couldn't fit him in the building because they fashioned him after King Kong...as if the children weren't already frightened enough.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

I Thought That Fish Sauce Was Suppose To Be Good For You



Ivan makes a delicious Thai rice dish which includes chilies and fish sauce. The fish sauce can be purchased at Liquidation World for only 89 cents! Last night, I decided to make Rice-A-Roni and throw some fish sauce in with it. It had a strange smell, but it was quite delicious. Well, within an hour I was also quite ill. I told Ivan about my reaction to the fish sauce and he said that you need to use the chili sauce to offset the flavour.

I hate to waste food so I decided to bring the rest of the rice to work for lunch. (What a great idea!) When I heated it up in the microwave, my coworkers commented on its delicious aroma. I replied "Yah, we'll see how it goes down today. It made me pretty sick last night". Sure enough, within ten minutes I had horrible stomach pains. I still had twenty minutes left of my lunch hour so I decided to lay down in the sick room. It is a fairly new addition to the office and I think that I was the first person to use it. I would normally be quite hesitant about putting my head on a "community pillow" but at this point, I really didn't care. I laid there for about ten minutes and began to feel better. But it was difficult to relax because people would walk by the door (which is usually left open) and remark "Oh, the door is closed. Someone must be in there". There isn't a lock on the door and I kept expecting the door to open and I would be found curled up in the fetal position. But my rest was uninterrupted and I felt much better. I returned to my desk, only to be ill ten minutes later.

There are a few morals to this story:
1). Do not stray from the Rice-A-Roni preparation directions. It is the "San Francisco Treat" for a reason!

2). If your dinner makes you ill, chances are that the leftovers will as well.

3). Sometimes you can find great deals at Liquidation World. Food stuffs that do not have expiry dates are not always great deals.

4). Rice-A-Roni is cheap! You are not being wasteful if you only eat half of the box.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Happy Birthday Flower Child!



Tomorrow is Flower Child's birthday but I wanted to write this post now as I know that she gets up really early and I wanted this greeting to be there for her to read as she starts her day!

Happy birthday and I hope that you have a great day, Flower Child! I also hope that the weather gets better soon so that you can start your gardening and make beautiful things happen.

I love you,

Cherry

Cool For Cats


There is another house that I pass on my way to work every morning that peaks my curiosity. There are always three cats hanging out on the step, but it is not always the same three cats. I am guessing that there are about nine cats that live in this house, but there are only three outside at the same time. I am thinking that the owner needs to have three cats out at all times so that she doesn't get overwhelmed. They are beautiful cats that are obviously well cared for. On the step there is a cardboard box and a cat carrier. Today, one cat was in the cat carrier, one was in the box and one was on top of the box. The cat that was on top of the box was huge, therefore the box was beginning to buckle under his weight. But the cat in the box didn't mind, even though the roof was sagging in over his head.

The notion of the cat owner having to let three cats out at a time reminds me of the days in which I would try to hide the fact that I had three cats (after all, three cats almost make a single gal a Cat lady). I once had a very nosy neighbour who would complain to the landlord about every little thing. I was certain that if she knew that I had three cats, she would tell the landlord and I would be forced to get rid of one. Luckily Bernie and Sista Soldia are both black, so I would only let one of them out at a time (Gilbert is a tabby). The only difference is, Bernie has long hair and Sista has short hair. My neighbour didn't seem to catch on. But, you should have seen me panic if they both ran out at the same time! One day my landlord came to the apartment to fix something. I thought that I would be safe as Bernie is very shy and usually hides when she hears a strange voice. On that particular day, Bernie was feeling friendly. Gilbert and Sista were watching my landlord work and I was talking to him, when suddenly Bernie entered the room. I thought that I was going to barf! The landlord didn't say anything about it. He finished his work, packed up his tools and walked to the door. But before he left, he turned to me and said "Two cats are fine, but three are not. You will have to bring one to the pound". I really loved that apartment (aside from the nosey neighbour), but I suddenly became very brave and said "I guess that I will have to give you my notice then". (I thought that I was going to barf again). The landlord smiled and quietly said "No, it's okay. But just don't tell the neighbour that you have three cats. She always needs something to complain about". This is a true story (in case you were wondering, Apples).

And I will close this post with today's funny cat tale (get it? Tale? Tail? Sorry, I'm being really geeky in this post). This morning I was on the phone with my sister. I was sitting on the bed when I looked at the doorway and saw Bernie chase Gilbert down the hall. A few seconds passed by and then I saw Sista Soldia run past the doorway after them. It was funny because it was like a delayed reaction and she was looking at me while she was running. Maybe you had to be there but it made me laugh because it was like something that you would see in a cartoon. And the way that my mind works, in those few seconds I even created a dialogue for my cats. Here it is:

Bernie: I'm gonna git you sucka!

Gilbert:
Catch me if you can, Miss Geriatric.

Sista Soldia:
Whuh happened?

Since I was talking to my sister on the phone when this occurred, I told her about it. She suggested that I just call in sick from work and stay home and watch the cats all day. Nah...I'd rather save that for the weekend.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Mornin' Sunshine!


I am certain that people who walk everywhere have the opportunity to see things that one would never see in a car. I would rather not see some of the things that I see on the way to work. Here is a story of one of those sights.

Yesterday morning I was walking to work. Two houses before the creepy house that I mentioned in a previous blog, there is a house that has a cute golden lab. The dog is quite advanced in years, as is apparent by his nimble gait and the white fur on his face. On this particular morning, the dog was outside walking around the yard. As I said "Good morning" to the dog, I could see that someone was looking out the window. The man was about the same age as the man in this picture, but he was wearing "tightie whities" instead of shorts. Unlike the man in the picture, he was not wearing a "wife beater" tank top, but was wearing a white t-shirt that was tucked into his briefs. He stood in the window long enough for me to notice this, but then he had the decency to step in front of his patio door which luckily had frosted glass. Yes, I could still see his silhouette and yes it was a troubling way to start the day...But I will not change my route to work and I will still say "Good morning" to the sweet canine. Maybe I will leave a gift bag on the back step that will contain a pair of boxers, or maybe even a housecoat. What should I write on the gift tag?

Thursday, April 12, 2007

When Spit Gets In Your Eye


Okay, I'm sure that I am not the only person that has had this happen to them. You are having a conversation with someone and they say a word with a "P" or an "S" in it and, in slow motion, spit flies from their mouth into your eye! What do you do? I ask this question because this happened to me at work yesterday. When the spit flew into my eye I pretended that it didn't happen, although I couldn't help but blink quickly. Then, I couldn't wait for the conversation to end, so that I could give myself an eye wash. As the person spoke, I looked at their discoloured teeth, smelt the stench of stale coffee on their breath and felt my eye begin to burn. I tried to make myself feel better about it. If someone kisses you on the cheek, sometimes they leave a trace of saliva. That won't hurt you, right? So the conversation ended and I tried not to think about my eye. I went back to my desk and continued to work. But, in true Cherry-style (I don't usually refer to myself in the third person, honestly) I couldn't stop thinking about it. Twenty minutes had passed since the initial contact and any viruses were now deep within my retina, but I went to the washroom and gave myself an eye wash anyways.

What's even worse is when someone is eating and talking and they spit in your eye or on your face. It is very difficult to be nonchalant about having a piece of soggy bread on your cheek. That happened to me once at a gathering when a distant relative of mine was talking to me. My sister and her husband are convinced that she's a vampire, so they assured me that that was just her way of casting a spell to ensure that I live forever. So, sometimes when people spit food in your face it means that they really like you! (especially if they are eating cake).

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Skid Of My Dreams


I've been having strange dreams lately and when I wake up in the morning, I try to analyse the dream and remember the thoughts that I had during the previous day which may have inspired the dream. Last night was no exception. I dreamt that my sister and I were both infatuated with the same man. He looked a bit like the gentleman in this picture but he also had a mustache and was a professional football player. I remember at one point in the dream, he complained that he only earned $500,000.00 a year. My sister and I planned a "skid" evening out with the man, which would involve a few pitchers of beer and maybe a little karaoke. My sister was dressed in her finest yoga attire. I don't remember what I was wearing but I do remember that our love interest was wearing a jean shirt that was neatly tucked into his very pale blue jeans. After the first round of drinks I realized that I had a boyfriend named Ivan, so I decided to encourage the football player to pay more attention to my sister. In my dream, my sister had just given birth the week before, so the liquor hit her hard. I found her by the d.j. booth. She had taken off her yoga pants only to reveal that she was wearing polar fleece jogging pants underneath. Huh? I know, it doesn't make any sense. She was passed out, so I went to find her Don Juan so that he could take her home. I found him in some sort of living room, sitting on the floor in front of a coffee table. He was snorting marijuana and that is when I decided to wake up.

So, what would inspire this dysfunctional dream you may ask? I am quite certain that it had to do with a man that I saw while I was walking to work yesterday morning. On my way to work I always pass by a creepy house. Yesterday morning when I walked by the house, a man opened the door, stepped outside and said "hello" to me. There he was, in the freezing cold wearing a pair of shorts and a tank top. Yes, he was a wicked skid, but he had a distinguished voice and a kind face. He was probably an ex-con, but I said "hello", just to be polite. That is all that I can think of that may have prompted this dream. By the way, my sister is quite the fashionista and would never wear her yoga apparel outside of the gym. Also, we do not think of pitchers of beer and karaoke as a "good time" (okay, I like karaoke, but I can never find anyone to go with me).

In case you were wondering, I found the pic of this handsome fellow on a website that sells mullet wigs. It's pretty funny because they have different names for the wigs, such as "The Landscaper". They could also name them "The Niagara Fallser" or "The Wellander" as le mullet appears to be the hairstyle of choice in these here parts.

Monday, April 9, 2007

A Mistake Isn't Always A Bad Thing


I had a pretty stressful morning. I was two hours late for work due to some "maintenance problems" in my apartment. I am proud to say that I handled the situation myself, which is fortunate as my landlord could not be reached (probably because of the holiday). I stopped at the deli before I went to the office to get a tea and a piece of chocolate chip banana loaf. This banana loaf is amazing, even though it tastes a bit like sausage and all of the other grease that is being fried at the deli. The Eastern European woman behind the counter almost gave me carrot cake instead of banana loaf, but that's okay. I got into the office and found a time sensitive project waiting for me. I settled into my desk and went to take a sip of my tea when I noticed the tag from the teabag dangling outside of the Styrofoam cup (I had also asked for the bag out). When I read the label it said "Sleepytime tea". What the hell? Who drinks Sleepytime tea when it isn't even noon? I imagined myself face down on my desk with a stream of drool pooling from my mouth within the next hour. But I took a sip of the tea anyways. To my delight, it was the perfect combination of mint, chamomile and honey.

A serene calm came over me and I began to organize everything that I needed in order to tackle the project. I was able to joke with my coworkers about my morning. Everything happened in slow motion, with me raising my cup of Sleepytime tea, my coworkers leaning back in their chairs laughing, and a misty fog all around us, sort of like what you would see in a poorly made Canadian film.

Okay, it wasn't quite like that, but I did complete the project and stayed until 7:15pm in order to put in a full eight hours. Now I strongly recommend Sleepytime tea if you ever find yourself in a stressful situation. But, if you are ever at the deli and Helga waits on you, pay close attention. You might end up with head cheese when what you really wanted was mortadella.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Some Pig


I must admit that I have never read the book "Charlotte's Web" or watched the animated film because I knew that an animal would die. Until today, I did not know if the spider died, or the pig, or both. All that I knew was that it was sure to make me cry. Today I watched the latest version of the story with a three year old and a five year old and I was the only one that cried! How embarrassing.

The tears started rolling right at the beginning of the movie (the same thing happened to my sister and I when we saw "E.T." as kids). "Charlotte's Web" is the moving tale of a young girl that talks her father out of killing the runt of the litter. He is then saved from the smokehouse by a spider who writes wonderful things about him in her web for all to see. They are beautiful words such as "Some Pig", "Radiant" and "Humble". Charlotte the spider does die, but her eggs hatch and some of the baby spiders remain in the barn to keep Wilbur company. Wilbur never meets the fate of becoming the Christmas ham thanks to the will of a young girl and a spider who befriends him.

Today was Easter, and although I did not have the opportunity to spend it with my own family, I spent it with a caring family who made me feel very welcome. I will never forget the moment in the film during which I was sobbing hysterically and the five year old looked up at me and said "Why are you crying?" As makeup ran down my face and snot ran out of my nose, I tried to compose myself while I stuttered "Be-e-cause its s-a-a-d". But it's okay. The film had a happy ending, we played with some toys and then we had an excellent meal (I was very relieved that they didn't serve ham).

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Ode To A Squirrel


Tonight I was putting the apartment to bed, which involves snuffing out the candles and checking them a few times to ensure that they are out, as well as the stove, etc. when I happened to look out my front window and notice something on the road. The cats were watching it too. I focused and it appeared to be a squirrel, laying on its back. It must have been hit by a car. But then I saw it move. It was trying to get up! The poor creature flapped it's tail, kicked its legs and tried to roll over. It was very painful to watch. I was in panic-mode and began to pace back and forth. There was nothing I could do. It would probably die shortly, but watching it suffer was excruciating. I thought about grabbing my hammer and putting it out of its misery. But I couldn't do that. I thought about going to bed and trying not to think about it. I couldn't do that either. I knew that watching this animal breathe its last breath would be an image that I would probably never get out of my head, but I decided to go outside anyways. The creature had stopped moving, so perhaps it was already dead. The cats wanted to join me, but I advised them against it, as an injured animal may attack, and this was something that I had to do alone.

I wrapped my coat around myself and took a deep breath. As I approached the squirrel I could see varying shades of black, red and white. Within two feet I realized that it was a crumpled piece of newspaper! The wind had pushed it along the street and had played with it for a while...in the same way that my mind had played a trick on me!

This little story confirms that what you think you see isn't always what is happening in reality. When I returned to my apartment, I swear that I could hear the cats chuckle softly. They had known all along that it was only a piece of newspaper because they have perfect vision. Heck, they can even see in the dark!

You know, I didn't even pick up that litter from the street. I was just so relieved that it wasn't roadkill that I didn't even think about the aesthetics of my neighbourhood. In a strange way, I think that it would have grossed me out to touch it as I had spent the previous five minutes believing it was a dead animal. Does that make any sense? Oh well, I'll sleep peacefully tonight knowing that my neighbourhood squirrels are safe. Now I'll just go and check those candles one more time...

Monday, April 2, 2007

For The Love Of The Theatre, Dahling...


Because I am a philanthropist, supporter of the arts and frankly, in need of a creative outlet, I have decided to volunteer at the local theatre. I met with the President of the theatre this evening and expected to be granted the title of ticket-tearer, or coffee pourer. So you can imagine my surprise when I was asked to be the A.S.M. (no, that doesn't stand for Altruistic Saintlike Martyr, but it is the initials for Assistant Stage Manager) in their next production!

I am excited, but those of you who know me well can probably imagine some of the aspects of this title that may concern me. Firstly, I will have to tell people what to do. This will lead to me worrying that people are mad at me. Also, I will have to wear a headset. This involves having to pay attention to a few things at once. I imagine that I will be over stimulated and repeat "OH NO" a few times to myself and ultimately end up rocking back and forth with my head in my hands. Yah, I don't think that these theatre people know what they have gotten themselves into.

The director actually asked me if I expect to be "asked out on some date" that may prevent me from committing to this project. Yah, like I'm sixteen or something (maybe he thought I was that young. Well, I did just colour my hair. My, how flattering). But then again, if Ivan scored tickets to an awesome concert, or if a new liquidation store was opening up, or a kick-ass auction, I might be a no-show to this theatre gig.

No, I will do this. This community needs me. But first, I have to pay the annual $12 theatre membership fee. It also covers the insurance if I get hurt while volunteering. Huh? So I can't go on dates and I might actually break a leg?

Man, I must really love the theatre...

Sunday, April 1, 2007


Today is a rainy day, but that's a-right, because it is a good day to be cozy and stay inside. Right now I am sipping apricot tea, listening to Tchaikovsky's "Pathetique" (judging by the title, I thought that it would be a melancholy score, but it is actually quite uplifting) and watching Gilbert sleep on the chair beside me, while Sista Soldia and Bernie spoon on the chair in the living room.

Yesterday was a day spent in pursuit of bargains. I was quite successful. My Tchaikovsky album was only 30 cents. At the same thrift store I found an original 1982 John Branderhorst wood carving of a buffalo for a mere dollar. I don't know who John B. is (perhaps this was his highschool wood shop project), but it is a cute wall hanging and it fits in well with the "cottage theme" of my front sitting room. At Liquidation World, I scored a teal knitted hoodie for $2.00 and a pair of pants for $3.00 (the box of apricot tea was only 88 cents). At Value Village I found a pair of "never-worn" beige dress shoes for $5.00 and a beautiful French Connection blouse for $4.00. I then went home and coloured my hair with L'Oreal's Preference in Ultra-Violet Dark Red. I recommend this brand for those with stubborn greys as it provides excellent coverage with little mess. So, my new hairstyle was only $12.99. I have asked Ivan to cut it for me, but he seems uncomfortable with that so I may have to splurge on a haircut. But I find that most hairdressers charge at least $40.00 for a hair cut! If I wasn't so paranoid about getting head lice, I would go to a Hairdressing school for an inexpensive cut. While on the topic of bargains, a great place to find deals is on www.kijiji.com. Sometimes people are giving items away because they don't want to move them ie. couches, tables etc. You can search for items in your area. Right now I have my eye on an antique school desk for 40 dollars!

Thank you to those who sent me their "My Heritage" Celebrity Look-Alike pics. Apples, you can have up to 10 matches, so I am sure that you resemble more celebrities than just Molly Ringwald. Oh, and Vicki Pollard, I hate to be a bi-atch, but you could really use a makeover and some medication for those cold sores! Have you been making out with Hawksley Workman?(to those of you who are not familiar with VP, she is a character on "Little Britain")

Okay, here is my rainy day schedule:
1). drink apricot tea
2). listen to Tchaikovsky for the 7th time (I'm really enjoying it. It's very soothing)
3). have a bath
4). wet siffer my floors
5). give myself a coconut milk facial (49 cents at Liquidation World)
6). satisfy my Perez Hilton craving. I still haven't been back to his website
7). have some "macaroni and cheese" lunchmeat in a pita. I haven't had it since I was a kid so I had to buy some. It's gooood!
8). turn my calendar page to "April" and finally switch all of my clocks to the proper time.

It is April Fool's day today and I wanted to write a fake post, but Apples hates the fake posts and it's all about Apples! Oh well, happy April Fool's day anyways!